Some people are born fixers, always wanting to fix someone else if they feel they need it.
What makes this fixer archetype the way they are? Do they see everyone else as flawed or broken in a way that many cannot or, is it showering another with an overabundance of empathy? Empathy is a wonderful characteristic to show to others, but like everything else in a balanced way.
Sometimes a people may just need to “rant” and let the energy of a negative story out, this is a healthy thing to do. We don’t want to keep negative stories pent up inside of us, we want to let their energy go.
But what of the fixer’s want or desire to fix you while you have your rant? Will you just not bother telling them anything in the future for fear of being smothered with “hypothetical” solutions for problems that are not really there.
“Come here and I will fix it for you”, says the fixer.
“No thanks, today I just want to rant and let my story go, please just accept it for what it is”.
Will the fixer get upset if you react from your truth?
You have a choice; you can explain that you just want someone to listen to you. You don’t want to be fixed. Alternatively, you can simply ignore telling this person your story.
Whilst this creates a cut off in honest, open dialogue, you always have a choice as to whom you tell your story too. You can protect your boundaries in this way.
In the film Wreck-It Ralph, Fix-It Felix realises at one stage that he is actually hindering himself when he keeps fixing things and, he along with the other characters learn to accept that the protagonist Ralph just needs to be allowed to communicate his true feelings. He is fed up of being lonely and dumped on his own at the end of every game. Nobody listened to his story and this leads him to chase the lure of a gold medal. Of course it wasn’t the actual gold medal he wanted it was merely acceptance, belonging.
When the others in the film with him learn what is really up with poor old Ralph and accept his story the way it is, they end up having a happier life and a better game. They all work together acknowledging each other where they are, no one needing to change the other, but instead being more accepting about the needs of others.
Life is about balance and learning to accept people without always wanting to change them .. remember the only true person we can ever change is ourselves.
You can pick up my FREE eBook on Finding Your Authentic Voice. When you come from this place then you are coming from somewhere where your desires are being met, your boundaries are intact and you are assertive to your needs and the needs of others.
Until next time … keep the faith,