About Assertiveness Coaching
Being an Assertiveness Coach means that I help people to say what they really want to say in a loving way that is best for both parties.
Too often we can say yes when we mean no. Often times we do this so we won’t offend anyone but in fact, we are offending ourselves.
When we say yes when we want to say no very often we hold a grudge against that person without them even knowing this at times. Because we say yes they accept this yes as it is.
We may expect that person to owe us in the future for what we have said yes to again without telling them this. This is being passive aggressive. We may even give out about them to others and tell a story about them, for example. We might complain to others that people are always asking us for help and complain that we feel like we have no choice. We may add in a story that we feel sorry for those we help. We may tell people how much we do for others without getting anything in return. This is falling into a “poor me” archetype and really does not serve us in the long run.
When we give and expect something in return it is conditional on the other person giving us something back. However the other person might not know we expect something from them.
So we may continue to do for them while at the same time feeling resentful and muttering under our breath but never telling them our truth.
Being passive aggressive serves no one, not ourselves nor other people.
We may want to learn how to become assertive and form personal boundaries around what we allow others to take from us or rather what we feel we allow others take from us.
This is an extremely beneficial process in the long term.
Depending on how invested we are in our stories around this subject and how willing we are to change will determine the outcome.
There are also times when doing something for someone all the time is not serving them. Sometimes a person can do, do and do for another and in this process are taking the other’s power away from them. Maybe the other person did not ask for all this doing for them!!! This can cause a power struggle in a relationship in a work or personal situation. We are doing other people no service to themselves if we do not allow them to do for themselves, what is best for them. In this kind of scenario, each circumstance will be different.
Some questions to ask yourself about assertiveness.
How likely are you to say no to someone you know very well when they ask you to do something you don’t have time to do?
How likely are you to tell them you do not have time now but, that you would love to help them at a future date when you are freer?
How likely are you to feel resentment or another emotion if you do something you really don’t want to do but for some reason don’t tell the other person?
Do you consider yourself a passive aggressive person?
How hard would it be for you to explain your situation?
Do you feel others encroach your personal boundaries?
We don’t always know that we are being passive aggressive we may just think we are being a peace keeper or we may like keeping everyone happy.
As an assertiveness coach, I can help people find out where in their lives they are losing their power by being passive aggressive. When we identify triggers and patterns and our response emotions we are able to sift through and make sense of the reality.
Maybe we are assertive with most people but not with others.
We may want to look at what type of person triggers us and develop a strategy to strengthen our boundaries with them.
Our blocks around being assertive may go back to our childhood where we may have formed opinions about certain things that have stayed with us but don’t serve us.
Becoming assertive is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. We are honoring our own self and taking into account our own needs. If you would like help with developing assertiveness skills you can contact me through the booking form below.